Talking to Your Child About Death
Children's minds and imaginations are so pure and honest. They see the world for what they can understand and comprehend and tend to not absorb the parts that may seem dark and scary. As parents, it’s our job to protect these pure thoughts and keep our children happy and optimistic about the world. However, there will come a time when we must discuss the harsh realities of the world with our children. One of those topics is death. Whether it’s the loss of a family pet, a grandparent, parent or other relative, the idea that a person is gone forever is a tough reality to grasp at a young age. It’s key to talk to your child about death in an honest and sincere way. Here are some of our dos and don’ts when talking to your child about death.
Do: Be honest and clear
Children need complex concepts described clearly. Adding too much “fluff” to your wording will only confuse them and lead to more questions. It is important to be honest and straight to the point regarding death, saying things such as “Grandma died today. When someone dies their heart stops, and their body stops working. This means they don’t eat; they don’t breathe anymore, and we no longer get to see them.” While this may seem harsh, it is verbiage a child can grasp without adding fear and confusion.
Don’t: Use complex terms.
While saying things such as “Grandma went to sleep forever”, or “Aunt Sue passed away”, may sound less intense, they aren’t statements a child can easily understand. If Grandma can sleep forever, what if I do too? Using the term “sleep” when talking about death will only open a space of anxiety for your child, and potentially make them fearful of sleep.
Do: Take things slow.
Be prepared to take lots of pauses when talking to your children about death. It’s important not to overwhelm them with information all at once. Give them moments of silence to think through and understand what is being said to them and be willing to answer lots of questions. Prior to discussing death with your child, think about the questions your child may ask, and be prepared to answer them as effectively as possible.
Don't: Hide your emotions.
Parents, it is okay to cry when discussing these topics with your child. Never feel that you need to hide your emotions, as that will only make your child believe that’s how you react to situations such as death. It is critical to have raw, genuine emotions so your child can understand how this affects you and learn how to provide comfort. Given that death is inevitable, and the grieving process is not simple, your child will likely see you break down again. Being open about how you feel will benefit both you and your child.
Do: Inform them what to expect during a funeral.
Before a funeral service, ensure that your child understands what a funeral is. Make sure they know this is your final goodbye to the one you lost. People here will likely be sad, and it's okay to cry. If you have an open casket, be sure your child is prepared for that. Never pressure them to go up for a final viewing, as that may be uncomfortable for a young child.
Don’t: Force them to do anything.
If this is a child’s first exposure to losing a relative, they may experience emotions they have never felt before. Be patient with them throughout the funeral and remember that they are children who have just been exposed to a very real, and heartbreaking part of life. If your family is involved in the funeral ceremony, be sure that the child is only participating in what they are comfortable with. You should never force your child to participate in anything they do not want to. This is already a lot for them to grasp at once. While funerals are sad, you should try and make your child’s experience as positive as possible. This is so they are less likely to fear death and funerals down the road.
While this will be a tough conversation to have with your child, know you aren’t alone. All parents will have to discuss death with their child at some point. Being prepared and practicing what you will say to your child will make the experience easier for the both of you.
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Different cultures around the world deal with death in different ways. Many choose to have a cremation or burial ceremony just like in the U.S., however, there are some funeral ceremonies that are drastically different than what people in the U.S. are accustomed to. In today’s blog here at Bohlender Funeral Chapel in Fort Collins, we talk about other beautiful funeral ceremony traditions and where they are popular. Learn more about our funeral home services here at Bohlender Funeral Chapelin Fort Collins and get help planning the perfect celebration of life for your loved one. New Orleans Jazz Funerals You might be thinking, “Well, New Orleans is in the U.S.!” — and you’re right. But, that doesn’t mean that they can’t have unique funeral ceremony traditions. Not everyone in New Orleans has a jazz funeral, but anyone can request one if they’d like. However, most jazz funerals are held for musicians. In a traditional jazz funeral, the funeral ceremony begins at the church or funeral home and is then led to the cemetery by a marching band. The music starts off slow and heavy while everyone is walking to the cemetery. Once the body is buried and people are on the way back from the cemetery, the music becomes upbeat and celebratory to honor and celebrate the departed. Anyone and everyone nearby are encouraged to join as long as they are respectful and courteous. Eternal Reefs Eternal Reefs is a Florida-based company that has taken a completely new approach to funerals. Eternal Reefs takes cremated remains and places them in an environmentally safe concrete urn. The urn is created in such a way that it creates new habitats for marine wildlife. This makes it so that you or your loved one become a part of a coral reef and help to support new life. Eternal Reefs are a great way to commemorate your loved one and help them make the world a better place. Even though there are no oceans or coral reefs here in Fort Collins, that doesn’t stop our family at Bohlender Funeral Chapelfrom offering a funeral ceremony that is beneficial for the family and the earth. We are proud to offer our green burial funeral service, learn more about it here at Bohlender Funeral Chapel. Burial Beads In certain areas of the world, there is very limited space for burials and other traditional funeral ceremony practices. One method that South Korea has been practicing regularly is the burial bead funeral ceremony. With burial beads, cremated remains are pressed into beautiful beads that closely resemble that of jewelry or pearls. A wide variety of colors and urn options are available. This is a way for the people of South Korea to find beauty from a difficult situation while also making use of the limited space. The Philippines All across the Philippines, funeral ceremonies vary wildly. There are more than nine very different funeral traditions across the country. Some of the more poetic and beautiful traditions include tree burials and hanging coffins. Tree Burials Tree burials are most commonly practiced in the Cavite region of the Philippines. Cavite is located about 10 miles from the bustling Manila and they have still managed to maintain their unique funeral ceremony customs. Tree burials are where the person who expects their time is limited will go and select the tree of their choice. Once the tree is selected and the person’s days are numbered, a small shelter is built near the tree for them to live in. When they pass, they are entombed upright into the selected tree. Hanging Coffin In the Sagada region of the Philippines, coffins are often hung off the sides of cliffs or on the walls of high-up caves. The elderly or sick craft their own caskets by hand if they are able and once they have moved on, they are placed in the casket they created and hung high. They are placed next to their ancestors and loved ones as high off the ground as possible. This is because the native people believe that the higher the dead are to heaven, the easier their journey will be. This is a tradition that has been performed for thousands for years and will likely continue for years to come. Fantasy Coffins Ghana is a country in Africa where people have taken to a funeral ceremony called fantasy coffins. Fantasy coffins are unique coffins that help to represent who the person was in their life. For example, someone who was a fisherman their whole life may choose to be buried in a fish coffin. Or someone who had a love for books and novels may choose to be buried in a book-shaped coffin. These are fun and lighthearted ways to memorialize and celebrate the life of the dearly departed.  We hope that you learned something new and got valuable insight into other culture’s funeral ceremony customs. If you would like to learn more about the funeral services we offer here at Bohlender Funeral Chapel in Fort Collins, don’t hesitate to reach out to us. We are a family-owned funeral home with a passion for helping people in any way we can. We offer invaluable healing experiences for you and your family through our cremation service, burial service, funeral flowers, and much more.
Planning a funeral can be overwhelming, especially when it comes to budgeting for the various expenses involved. At Bohlender Funeral Chapel in Fort Collins, we understand the importance of honoring a loved one while managing financial responsibilities. Let us help you navigate the funeral planning process, ensuring you can create a meaningful celebration that respects your loved one’s memory without stretching your finances. Then start the pre-planning process with us today.
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