Things no one tells you about losing a parent

Grief is an unpredictable and challenging process, and the grief that comes with the death of a parent can hit especially hard. Despite the fact that we seem to share every detail of our lives on social media these days, the private pain of losing a parent isn't often so easily expressed. Here are a few things no one tells you about losing a parent:

People can forget you’re still grieving - After a few weeks or months, people will stop asking you how you’re feeling. It’s nothing personal, but some people have never been through what you’re going through. They may not understand how long the grieving process is and the pain you’re still feeling. This makes it especially sweet when someone does remember and checks in with you, and is a good reminder to check in with others that you care about when they experience their own losses.

It’s okay to not be okay - You might feel like you need to stay strong for those in your family who are also suffering. But it’s okay to not be okay. You may have a bad day years after the loss, and that’s okay. You may cry when you least expect it. The pain may never go away, but understanding that you can have a bad day and not a bad rest of your life can help bring you some comfort.

Guilt can be heavy - As the years pass, you may feel guilty if you slowly start to forget the small things, like the sound of their voice or details about specific events. Other times, you may feel guilty because you couldn’t take their phone call one time or you weren’t able to be there when you think you should have been. This guilt is normal and happens to many of us. It’s important to give yourself grace and remember that some things you cannot change. We must not forget our happy memories with our parent.

Milestones can be painful - It’s natural that when you lose a parent, they will miss out on certain milestones in your life. Your parent may miss a significant promotion, birthday, wedding, birth of your child or other important day. Remembering what important milestones they were there for is a way to ease the pain. You might even find a way to include them in your special days in the future, such as bringing their photograph or setting aside an empty chair with their name on it.

You will have negative and positive memories - You will probably remember unpleasant memories with your parent, and that’s okay. It’s perfectly normal to recognize the best and worst qualities of your parent. No one is perfect, and it’s okay, and probably healthier to remember someone for the way they were instead of trying to sugar-coat their life.

Jealousy can arise - You might feel jealous of others who still have both of their parents. This is a normal feeling when you have just lost someone so important to you. Remember that we are all on our own journey, and realize that someday they may need your support when their parents pass.

Unresolved conflict - Maybe you and your parent had some unresolved conflict, or things that you deliberately didn't talk about, and now don't have the chance. It can be easy to get "stuck" here and hard to let go of the fact that you weren't able to resolve things with your parent. Sometimes it can help to write letters to them or keep a journal where you express your thoughts and feelings.

Losing a parent is never easy and grief isn’t a predictable process. Remembering the lessons they taught you and the positive memories of life together can bring you some peace, and allow you to help others with this loss in the future.

June 12, 2026
When you’re planning services and arrangements for a loved one, the options and choices may be overwhelming. At Bohlender Funeral Chapel, our team is here to help guide you through this difficult time with quality, compassionate services, and individualized attention. If you’re considering cremation in your end-of-life plans or for a loved one, here are four reasons our team recommends this option.
June 12, 2026
When it comes to funeral services and memorial services, many people have questions that are difficult to ask. At Bohlender Funeral Chapel, our team is here to assist families and individuals through the death of a loved one with compassionate, informative services. Here are four common questions our team receives about cremation services.
June 12, 2026
Different cultures around the world deal with death in different ways. Many choose to have a cremation or burial ceremony just like in the U.S., however, there are some funeral ceremonies that are drastically different than what people in the U.S. are accustomed to. In today’s blog here at Bohlender Funeral Chapel in Fort Collins, we talk about other beautiful funeral ceremony traditions and where they are popular. Learn more about our funeral home services here at Bohlender Funeral Chapelin Fort Collins and get help planning the perfect celebration of life for your loved one. New Orleans Jazz Funerals You might be thinking, “Well, New Orleans is in the U.S.!” — and you’re right. But, that doesn’t mean that they can’t have unique funeral ceremony traditions. Not everyone in New Orleans has a jazz funeral, but anyone can request one if they’d like. However, most jazz funerals are held for musicians. In a traditional jazz funeral, the funeral ceremony begins at the church or funeral home and is then led to the cemetery by a marching band. The music starts off slow and heavy while everyone is walking to the cemetery. Once the body is buried and people are on the way back from the cemetery, the music becomes upbeat and celebratory to honor and celebrate the departed. Anyone and everyone nearby are encouraged to join as long as they are respectful and courteous. Eternal Reefs Eternal Reefs is a Florida-based company that has taken a completely new approach to funerals. Eternal Reefs takes cremated remains and places them in an environmentally safe concrete urn. The urn is created in such a way that it creates new habitats for marine wildlife. This makes it so that you or your loved one become a part of a coral reef and help to support new life. Eternal Reefs are a great way to commemorate your loved one and help them make the world a better place. Even though there are no oceans or coral reefs here in Fort Collins, that doesn’t stop our family at Bohlender Funeral Chapelfrom offering a funeral ceremony that is beneficial for the family and the earth. We are proud to offer our green burial funeral service, learn more about it here at Bohlender Funeral Chapel. Burial Beads In certain areas of the world, there is very limited space for burials and other traditional funeral ceremony practices. One method that South Korea has been practicing regularly is the burial bead funeral ceremony. With burial beads, cremated remains are pressed into beautiful beads that closely resemble that of jewelry or pearls. A wide variety of colors and urn options are available. This is a way for the people of South Korea to find beauty from a difficult situation while also making use of the limited space. The Philippines All across the Philippines, funeral ceremonies vary wildly. There are more than nine very different funeral traditions across the country. Some of the more poetic and beautiful traditions include tree burials and hanging coffins. Tree Burials Tree burials are most commonly practiced in the Cavite region of the Philippines. Cavite is located about 10 miles from the bustling Manila and they have still managed to maintain their unique funeral ceremony customs. Tree burials are where the person who expects their time is limited will go and select the tree of their choice. Once the tree is selected and the person’s days are numbered, a small shelter is built near the tree for them to live in. When they pass, they are entombed upright into the selected tree. Hanging Coffin In the Sagada region of the Philippines, coffins are often hung off the sides of cliffs or on the walls of high-up caves. The elderly or sick craft their own caskets by hand if they are able and once they have moved on, they are placed in the casket they created and hung high. They are placed next to their ancestors and loved ones as high off the ground as possible. This is because the native people believe that the higher the dead are to heaven, the easier their journey will be. This is a tradition that has been performed for thousands for years and will likely continue for years to come. Fantasy Coffins Ghana is a country in Africa where people have taken to a funeral ceremony called fantasy coffins. Fantasy coffins are unique coffins that help to represent who the person was in their life. For example, someone who was a fisherman their whole life may choose to be buried in a fish coffin. Or someone who had a love for books and novels may choose to be buried in a book-shaped coffin. These are fun and lighthearted ways to memorialize and celebrate the life of the dearly departed.  We hope that you learned something new and got valuable insight into other culture’s funeral ceremony customs. If you would like to learn more about the funeral services we offer here at Bohlender Funeral Chapel in Fort Collins, don’t hesitate to reach out to us. We are a family-owned funeral home with a passion for helping people in any way we can. We offer invaluable healing experiences for you and your family through our cremation service, burial service, funeral flowers, and much more.
June 12, 2026
Planning a funeral can be overwhelming, especially when it comes to budgeting for the various expenses involved. At Bohlender Funeral Chapel in Fort Collins, we understand the importance of honoring a loved one while managing financial responsibilities. Let us help you navigate the funeral planning process, ensuring you can create a meaningful celebration that respects your loved one’s memory without stretching your finances. Then start the pre-planning process with us today.
More Posts »

More Resources & Support