Lessons I’ve Learned After Losing My Child
By Jessica Moore
Grief is not easy, and it comes in waves. Sometimes those waves wash onto the shore high and sometimes low. What I have learned is with a little love, faith and hope you can get through grief together as a family.
Our Story
On June 26, 2012, we welcomed our second son, Easton Tyler Moore, to our family. We knew going into the delivery room, that Easton would require extra support. He had a major heart defect, spina bifida, and hydrocephalus. Easton fought and spent his first two months in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) at a local children’s hospital.
Some of those days we were told multiple times to brace ourselves for the worst as he would not survive. He proved everyone wrong and survived.
He fought long and hard to be able to come home finally. He was home for most of the year; we had a few short hospital visits but nothing major. Easton started to show signs of needing extra support again.
On October 9, 2013, we handed Easton to a surgeon to undergo his 11th surgery and 2nd open-heart procedure. The surgery was a success.
Fast forward to October 29, 2013, I was leaving work when I got a phone call from my husband. Something was terribly wrong, and Easton was not breathing. That night, our hearts were ripped from our chest. The words ring in my ears over and over, “I’m sorry ma’am there is nothing more we can do. You will need to tell us when you would like us to quit performing CPR.” With those words, my husband Chris had to look at a complete stranger, who had tried absolutely everything he knew how to save our son, to stop resuscitation efforts.
“The world stopped that night. We walked out of that hospital empty handed.”
We also tried very hard to explain to our three-year-old, that his little brother was not coming home anymore. The days after our loss, I was on complete autopilot. I went through the motions. Never once did we skip any event for our other child. We wanted to make things for him as normal as possible. We gathered up the pieces of our broken hearts, and we pushed through many days hurting and wishing for Easton to be back at home.
Life after loss
I remember a few things from the months after Easton died.
The one thing I remember the most was repeating to myself daily, “All you have to do today is survive it!”
This helped me; I had to survive this loss somehow. I needed to be whole for my other child. I walked around with a smile on my face, and when someone would ask me how I was, I would reply, “I’m fine.” Deep down inside I was not fine, and I was so tired of lying to everyone. That day I decided I would not allow his loss to go unnoticed. I would find a way every single day to honor his short but mighty life.
One of my favorite things I ever heard following the loss of my son, Easton was from a fellow bereaved mother. She said, “Jessica, losing them never gets easier. It just gets different.”
Her words could not be any true. I log on to my social media only to see memories pop up. Some days those memories make me smile, and other days they bring me to my knees. They make me happy, and they make me sad and sometimes they make me angry.
Continuing On: Honoring Easton
Some days the way I honor him is just to say his name, share a picture with my friends and smile when people remember him. Other days we do things bigger to remember and honor him.
To honor Easton we have a memorial lemonade stand every single year. The weekend of the Fourth of July Cameron gets his stand up and running and sales lemonade and baked goods all day. All the proceeds from the lemonade stand go back to a local children’s services charity that provides advocacy and support to people with developmental delays. With the proceeds from our first lemonade stand, we were able to purchase a Little Free Library for the charity’s playground. We were able to paint the library with a “Super E” symbol. We make sure to keep his memory alive. That is what helps us continue without him.
Always honor them, say their name and share awareness. You never will know who you might be inspiring. Fly high Easton Bunny!
When you’re planning services and arrangements for a loved one, the options and choices may be overwhelming. At Bohlender Funeral Chapel, our team is here to help guide you through this difficult time with quality, compassionate services, and individualized attention. If you’re considering cremation in your end-of-life plans or for a loved one, here are four reasons our team recommends this option.
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Different cultures around the world deal with death in different ways. Many choose to have a cremation or burial ceremony just like in the U.S., however, there are some funeral ceremonies that are drastically different than what people in the U.S. are accustomed to. In today’s blog here at Bohlender Funeral Chapel in Fort Collins, we talk about other beautiful funeral ceremony traditions and where they are popular. Learn more about our funeral home services here at Bohlender Funeral Chapelin Fort Collins and get help planning the perfect celebration of life for your loved one. New Orleans Jazz Funerals You might be thinking, “Well, New Orleans is in the U.S.!” — and you’re right. But, that doesn’t mean that they can’t have unique funeral ceremony traditions. Not everyone in New Orleans has a jazz funeral, but anyone can request one if they’d like. However, most jazz funerals are held for musicians. In a traditional jazz funeral, the funeral ceremony begins at the church or funeral home and is then led to the cemetery by a marching band. The music starts off slow and heavy while everyone is walking to the cemetery. Once the body is buried and people are on the way back from the cemetery, the music becomes upbeat and celebratory to honor and celebrate the departed. Anyone and everyone nearby are encouraged to join as long as they are respectful and courteous. Eternal Reefs Eternal Reefs is a Florida-based company that has taken a completely new approach to funerals. Eternal Reefs takes cremated remains and places them in an environmentally safe concrete urn. The urn is created in such a way that it creates new habitats for marine wildlife. This makes it so that you or your loved one become a part of a coral reef and help to support new life. Eternal Reefs are a great way to commemorate your loved one and help them make the world a better place. Even though there are no oceans or coral reefs here in Fort Collins, that doesn’t stop our family at Bohlender Funeral Chapelfrom offering a funeral ceremony that is beneficial for the family and the earth. We are proud to offer our green burial funeral service, learn more about it here at Bohlender Funeral Chapel. Burial Beads In certain areas of the world, there is very limited space for burials and other traditional funeral ceremony practices. One method that South Korea has been practicing regularly is the burial bead funeral ceremony. With burial beads, cremated remains are pressed into beautiful beads that closely resemble that of jewelry or pearls. A wide variety of colors and urn options are available. This is a way for the people of South Korea to find beauty from a difficult situation while also making use of the limited space. The Philippines All across the Philippines, funeral ceremonies vary wildly. 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If you would like to learn more about the funeral services we offer here at Bohlender Funeral Chapel in Fort Collins, don’t hesitate to reach out to us. We are a family-owned funeral home with a passion for helping people in any way we can. We offer invaluable healing experiences for you and your family through our cremation service, burial service, funeral flowers, and much more.
Planning a funeral can be overwhelming, especially when it comes to budgeting for the various expenses involved. At Bohlender Funeral Chapel in Fort Collins, we understand the importance of honoring a loved one while managing financial responsibilities. Let us help you navigate the funeral planning process, ensuring you can create a meaningful celebration that respects your loved one’s memory without stretching your finances. Then start the pre-planning process with us today.
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